The Story Part II
Didn't realize the email was so long and got cut off... here is the rest.
Mentally I am all over the place. But I think we've both have been OK so far. Being alone is the worst part of it. Distractions help enormously (like finding out things about my mother that have shocked me so much, I can't stop thinking about it, we can thank Rina for pulling this info out). I have this overwhelming sense of humiliation and failure that makes it hard for me to think about-facing people who knew I was pregnant. There was nothing wrong with these babies. My body failed me this time and that is really hard to take. I don’t' know if I could ever go through this again or if health wise I even have the choice. So that thought consumes me most of the time.
I know you all want to do something. I understand that feeling. There are times I might be quiet, or I might reach out. It will come and go. Right now I am most worried about my mental health and making sure I don't bring Dennis down with me. I would hate to do that to him.
Having gone thought this I did find out what an amazing husband I have. Not that I ever doubted this. He stayed with me every night. He nursed me, I mean he has seen things I am not sure one would want to share with anyone. He has cleaned me up and taken me to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He even started cleaning up the L&D room, which made about 3 of the nurse’s fall in love with him. He tells the most inappropriate jokes at the most appropriate times. He has made me feel very loved and protected. And I hold onto that. Whether we will ever have kids of our own is something we both have to deal with, but I now feel really secure in the fact that I think we can get thought this together.
Mentally I am all over the place. But I think we've both have been OK so far. Being alone is the worst part of it. Distractions help enormously (like finding out things about my mother that have shocked me so much, I can't stop thinking about it, we can thank Rina for pulling this info out). I have this overwhelming sense of humiliation and failure that makes it hard for me to think about-facing people who knew I was pregnant. There was nothing wrong with these babies. My body failed me this time and that is really hard to take. I don’t' know if I could ever go through this again or if health wise I even have the choice. So that thought consumes me most of the time.
I know you all want to do something. I understand that feeling. There are times I might be quiet, or I might reach out. It will come and go. Right now I am most worried about my mental health and making sure I don't bring Dennis down with me. I would hate to do that to him.
Having gone thought this I did find out what an amazing husband I have. Not that I ever doubted this. He stayed with me every night. He nursed me, I mean he has seen things I am not sure one would want to share with anyone. He has cleaned me up and taken me to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He even started cleaning up the L&D room, which made about 3 of the nurse’s fall in love with him. He tells the most inappropriate jokes at the most appropriate times. He has made me feel very loved and protected. And I hold onto that. Whether we will ever have kids of our own is something we both have to deal with, but I now feel really secure in the fact that I think we can get thought this together.
posted by Squirt at 2:01 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home