Last night the husband and I went to The Met game. Cheeks is a fanatical sports fan, with baseball being his favorite. Looking around, there were lots of small children with their Father’s, clutching baseball mitts and wearing oversized hats on their heads. My heart broke in a million pieces for Cheeks. I could easily imagine him with our children, teaching them, getting excited with them and sharing his love for the sport. Realizing that our two girls were never going to experience their father in this moment killed me. I felt very sad for him.
As we were leaving the game, I asked Cheeks about it.
Me: Does seeing these kids with their dad’s make you sad?
Me: OK, what does make you sad (referring to our daughters here)?
Him: Carlos Beltran pulling a muscle and missing the next few games
OK, now many people have told me, that men take this stuff differently. With all that we went through, I’ve never talked to Cheeks about his feeling. He went straight into taking care of me mode, so his sadness and all of that got pushed aside. So here I am trying to give him a chance to share and I get nothing. I realize I sprung this on him, since I was “sad for him” it was probably all about me, but still...
Anyway we get into a “discussion” where he tells me he doesn’t really get sad about the twins. He was in the moment, but he moved on. Every once in awhile when crap doesn’t’ go right, he gets angry, but never gets sad. Here I was thinking that Cheeks and I were going through the same pain, me being a woman expressing things differently, him keeping it bottled up for my protection etc… But in reality my husband has truly moved on. I felt very alone in that moment. And I know people will say again, men are just different, but honestly, I just don’t think he is in any pain over this. Bitter maybe, worried about me, pissed off sometimes, but in general he has mourned and its over. I am not angry with him or anything like that, but I thought we were in this together. I now feel that it’s just me. I do realize in my “mind” that I will eventually get to the same place as him, I will have moved on (I so hate that phrase), but I just can’t see this happening for a very long time. And here my husband only 9 weeks later and Carlos Beltran is the only thing that makes him sad. Is he just a stronger person?