Pity The Fool!
I thought I would have so much to say.. but the truth is the more down I get, the less I want to talk or write about all of this. Lately I've been having a down time. I am on cycle day 22 and no sign of ovulation. So Sweet Cheeks and I just keep on trucking with the "must have sex" tonight mantra. It usually pertains to us sitting in bed saying "I guess we should do this now". It's really HOT! I hate baby making sex.
Last Friday I was at the top of my game in the role of the crazy wife. I was sick the week before with a tempature and nervous that it was screwing up my chance at ovulating.. I was miserable and without any hope. Cheeks came home to a weeping mess filled with feeling sorry for myself and shouts of I am never going to have a baby. It was beautiful really, I was a disgrace.
Well my darling, sweet, loving husband, told me to "get over myself and move on". He was ready, why wasn't I? Isn't that just the dearest thing you ever heard. At that moment I decided he was the worst person in the entire world. He thinks being positive will results in a baby. Oh and the internet is evil and I need to stop using it as the expert opinion on fertility. Let me tell you this didn't win him any points.
Sweet Cheeks is truly a wonderful person, anyone who knows him, could only describe him as such ( wait for my post on the saintliness of my husband and how bad he makes me look in the near future :), but when it comes to me and my emotional roller coaster, he just sucks in the sensitivity department. I wish he would do some research on what is going on with me, my body, our emotions. Because to him, I am not a reliable source. I feel as if I don't have a partner in all of this and its lonely.
I hate it that I feel I have no right to be sad or upset. Friends of ours are due in Feb., they had their own troubles and I am truly excited and happy for them. But I am sad for me. I look at her and her beautiful belly and think this should be me, I would be bigger, she is having her baby shower in Nov. and I think, that should be my baby shower. I still get things in the mail from signing up early on all of these pregnancy sites.. things that say "heading into your 8th month", I get more babysrus coupons... free samples of formula... it kills me. Yet my husband wants me to be happy and joyous and my old self. I am not normally a jealous person, but I want to have my baby shower, I want to talk about my baby, I want to wear cute maternity clothes. my husband calls this feeling sorry for myself. I do feel sorry for myself, but does this make me a bad person?
Last Friday I was at the top of my game in the role of the crazy wife. I was sick the week before with a tempature and nervous that it was screwing up my chance at ovulating.. I was miserable and without any hope. Cheeks came home to a weeping mess filled with feeling sorry for myself and shouts of I am never going to have a baby. It was beautiful really, I was a disgrace.
Well my darling, sweet, loving husband, told me to "get over myself and move on". He was ready, why wasn't I? Isn't that just the dearest thing you ever heard. At that moment I decided he was the worst person in the entire world. He thinks being positive will results in a baby. Oh and the internet is evil and I need to stop using it as the expert opinion on fertility. Let me tell you this didn't win him any points.
Sweet Cheeks is truly a wonderful person, anyone who knows him, could only describe him as such ( wait for my post on the saintliness of my husband and how bad he makes me look in the near future :), but when it comes to me and my emotional roller coaster, he just sucks in the sensitivity department. I wish he would do some research on what is going on with me, my body, our emotions. Because to him, I am not a reliable source. I feel as if I don't have a partner in all of this and its lonely.
I hate it that I feel I have no right to be sad or upset. Friends of ours are due in Feb., they had their own troubles and I am truly excited and happy for them. But I am sad for me. I look at her and her beautiful belly and think this should be me, I would be bigger, she is having her baby shower in Nov. and I think, that should be my baby shower. I still get things in the mail from signing up early on all of these pregnancy sites.. things that say "heading into your 8th month", I get more babysrus coupons... free samples of formula... it kills me. Yet my husband wants me to be happy and joyous and my old self. I am not normally a jealous person, but I want to have my baby shower, I want to talk about my baby, I want to wear cute maternity clothes. my husband calls this feeling sorry for myself. I do feel sorry for myself, but does this make me a bad person?
posted by Squirt at 8:43 AM
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