Obsessive.... Me?

I guess you can say I can get a bit obsessive over things... I usually try to keep it on the down low, but somehow I always get caught. When I was younger, I would develop these random crushes, which no one would ever know about. I would "obsess" say for a a year or so, without anyone being the wiser. When my crushes would finally be reveled to the teasing of my friends, my fixation would start to fade, as things would become to real and I would lose interest.

I can also obsess about my future... like say having a baby. I mentioned in previous posts that back in Feb. 05 Cheeks and I were taking the "let's see what happens" approach. And as for as the baby making was going, that is what we did. But this didn't stop me from obsessing about being pregnant, baby showers, play dates with my friends kids, the color of the nursery, what my child would look like... you name it, I already planned it out.

When I got pregnant I couldn't believe my "obsessions" would come to light. You see, I never really got want I wanted all those years ago. The crushes, were only crushes, NOTHING ever happened. And so to think I would have a big pregnant belly and get to open adorable gifts at my baby shower, have a child who would play with these kids I already adore so much, the half tangerine half cream color walls I imagined, and a baby with Cheeks' blue eyes and my dark hair, it was jut too good too be true.

Obsessing never really worked for me. But it still hasn't stopped me from thinking everyday about that baby with the blue eyes. I guess some people would call that hope, but I never really understood the difference.